my first serious oil painting

i have been enjoying my oil painting module at NAFA under UniSIM since this semester. It has been 6 lessons. despite my busy and tight schedule with the family, i have been able to enjoy those 3 hours every saturday. i feeel relaxing and destress each time i start to paint. definitely not stressful as while we all are doing assignments.... great! i hope i have opportunity and time to paint another serious piece again!!

A New Beginning

This is the 4th day of my new job.  Today is emotional.  I remember i was feeling excited about starting my new job soon ... and that was since early last week. I was afraid of the new challenges that i was going to face. I had many flashing thoughts throughout the day, all the time. I was curious what are the expectations of my new boss. I was curious how i would perform in the new scope, with the new environment, new colleagues and new cubicle.

Finally all started. I am starting to settle down at my new cubicle. I began to think that the boss is not as demanding of me as i expected. I start to feel lost. I think he do not really need me to do so much extreme for him. I think he wants to remain independent. I think i should ask him too much questions. I guess he will prefer me to do my work rather than serving him like those professors that we face in the academic industry.

I felt bad today because i think i frightened him last night with my emotional feedbacks on my problems that i am facing. I think he is not used to being offered with things that are too personal... i think he got a shock and somehow i feel the door was shit at me now. i dare not talk to him today. i m living in the shadows of yesterday. why why why. i think i start to feel his culture of working and style of working in here.  The ladies here are not how we share things and stories about us over at the university. i start to feel lonely again.

I will learn to be independent. This is only a workplace. What am i expecting besides my regular salary to survive!??
I remember last night he mentioned to me that this is but a job and we need to make a living so that we get a life! so after we get the money, after work hours is the time we create our lives (life) !!
That does strike me yeah...
i guess from this incident, i will not prob too much about being friends with him anymore.
the line seems clear now. seems like i will have nothing much to bother me at least for.... several months until i am being briefed for more expectations.
but apart from these cautious actions, i will show that i am happy always, to be with him, with this new place and will strive to show my best....

hopefully i can hear from her this week.... and i can start taking action on monday.... 30 April shall be the day..... finally after 6 years.
Hopefully my decision will be right.

january thoughts

my dearest uncle asked me whether i have been updating my blog.
and so here i m. each time i look at this posting page, i don't know where to start.
where shall my feelings start pouring.
what i have lost, what i have missed, is all but nothing left.
and yet i can't seem to let go. year after year, each time we met, mixed feelings are back....
cold and warm, laughing but stern, we become like the closest strangers. what is real and what is fake. what is his real truth....?

近来，我们聊着心情，有笑有泪。千言万语，很多次都不知该从何说起。
下了笔又发不出去，最后，有些事情还是别题的好...时间慢慢流过，感情久了都会淡。

始终都相信，只要两人心还在，感情永远都在。但遗憾的是一旦没有心在一起了，就连友情都留不住。这时，还惦记着的那些曾经所说过的话、分享过的一切，到底剩下什么呢？ 难道他已经忘了，侧底的忘了吗？那么，到底剩下的是什么地位什么价值呢？
再问下去也是空，那，为何却放不下呢？...问世间情为何物，只叫人生死难眠....

　　停在这里不敢走下去

　　让悲伤无法上演

　　下一页你亲手写上的离别

　　由不得我拒绝

　　这条路我们走得太匆忙

　　拥抱着并不真实的欲望

　　来不及等不及回头欣赏

　　木兰香遮不住伤

　　不再看天上太阳透过云彩的光

　　不再找约定了的天堂

　　不再叹你说过的人间世事无常

　　借不到的三寸日光

Time flies and Life goes on

The world has indeed been changing drastically.... people change, grow and move on in their lives. But one thing that never change is probably the heart. The heart to pursue what I want, I love and things that i treasure, or moments that you created.

Just finished watching the new drama 步步惊心 through the internet. This is a revive for my idol love for Nicky Wu. His role as the emperor was a very unique one. The love story in this drama is a very very sad one.... i would say there is a combo of Butterfly Lovers 梁祝 and The Myth 神话... and both are my most favourite stories too!!! so,..... addition to this.... super love, super sad, ,super tragedy.....

gave up so much tears for this show, and emotionally so affected.
Although it is just a drama, but it brought me back to many memories of my past.
As the story says... let the bygones be bygones, forget the past and move on. Live well. Forget about what has happened. All the sacrifices made and the promises have become emptied, become past. But, how can one true love be easily forgotten and past like this!?? How can the painful cut deep into the heart be so easily recovered like that of words?

The most sadful part is always the 遗憾 and the 无奈 that one cannot pull through....
when you choose to accept and give, and put the past behind, then something happen to cut the line off. Then this cut is killer because it cuts off all the promises made before. and .... you just want to ask whether all that was said are still true or not....

说过的话赞的美，是否还真实。就算再呐喊还是一片空，因为一切已成碎片随风淡化了，再也找不到了...
真的很痛很痛 .........

Teresa Hsu - Love & Share, Memoirs of

i love my humble production , my first attempt to do the whole book design.
Through my uncle, i was able to get to know more about sister Teresa Hsu.
I am proud and honoured to be part of this project!

The book is not for sale yet, and all the earnings for $25 per hardcopy and $15 per softcopy, goes straight to HEART TO HEART.

I would recommend this book to be read. You never know what's more enlightening for you until you really read about her memoirs yourself, here, from this book.

things to do

RECENTLY...

...inspired by marathons recently, i mean participating them! The only disadvantages i found was that i need to spend some $$ to go for the challenges.

Finished my 21km marathon at 2011 Sundown in May. This marks my first and probably last 21km marathon as i found it too hectic for my body. Not to further deteriorate my health too fast, i most likely will not take up anymore further challenge.

And probably that's why i developed a stronger fighting spirit to win my personal best for 10km and for any upcoming ones. Also thought that i would like to go for at least one marathon every school holiday after my every exam period.... till the end of my bachelor studies, i hope i can go for more after that.

and i also want to do more lifestyle courses after i finish my studies. Like baking classes, pilates, salsa or my long-wished italian opera! And even consider joining the NDP with Soka again! will i get a chance? i don know. but i wish and i look forward to.

I have not done my colonoscopy yet which i wish i did. Too ex. How?

Until i find the extra money, i will have to wait and monitor closely and hopefully nothing negative grows inside me.

the next thing to do is to bring darling to Europe with my own savings.... hopefully enough to bring the kids together too!

Also looking forward to watch Transformers - iii in July.

Had been spending wildly on beautifying my skin, some worthwhile clothings and bags.

Guess i had enough. This is inclusive of our one night stay at Bintan which was a birthday surprise for darling in February. It was a wonderful stay there at the Angsana Bintan Resort with the super comfortable beach, wind, waves, great service, town visiting experience and cheap shopping there.
Hope to go again yeah!

The view and where we stayed at Angsana Bintan Resort

The super fine beach for those who appreciate it...

complimentary birthday cake upon request

"decorate my room for birthday" request to the hotel was welcome too!

the fried noodles was definitely unbelievably cheap and delicious!!

the first thing u do is take a walk round the resort which u will go pass the pool and reach the horizon--beautiful beach that relaxes you totally!

"Girly girls think alike"

happily realised that we both dressed the same theme today....

the forever soft, quiet & timid colleague hanging around in the office... always there to cheer, smile and chat with :)

always remember her significant wedding day that i spent my day at...

我只是他生命的过客

想象他其实在乎的。 想象他其实看在眼里。 想象他其实也很懦弱。 想象他也许有些回忆、没有放弃的回忆。也许他守护着，安静的继续忙碌人生。。。或，根本一点都不放在心上的，一点都不惦记或怀念。。。 不知道他是否会记得、曾经给过的幸福， 对于一个平凡却特别的过客，是否是他曾欣赏过的东西， 有如他的价值吗。。。有失望吗。。。还是很满意，不后悔，值得付出过呢。。。

upset.

Sometimes u realise certain people in your life aren't just as easily approachable as you wish. They are not your true friend, or you may not even be on their friends list. Simply to say, people that you thought you want to be with may sometimes be like they only treated you like peanuts. And you can never reach their hearts, ever! So, just forget about being their friend ok? Just get on with your life and probably you should just take them out of your friends list, why not!!! It's hurting, upsetting, but nothing can be done. Why bother when you are not even in their eyes of simple care and concern! Should you just go back to those who truly care about u then?

The Make Life Better Project

If you can see the possibility for yourself, you will strive and go for it!
I am referring to "The Happy Life Project".
It depends on what you are looking for in life.
Is it money, time or health?

Spending most of time earning like cows and horses and then spending it instantly to survive everyday in the society, and rushing ourselves from point A to B daily to make ends meet and not able to have a little slight freedom, then realise later that we did not even have time for ourselves and enjoy a little moment of what earned for ourselves for once?

See the possibility, decide for yourself and go for it now!

the fact is the fact

i do not like my current job. i hate doing cold calling. and be chased of the outcome!!!
i think we are not focusing on the right objectives! We are supposed to engage alumni.
it is so understood that the only alumni who are willing to come back to alumni house are forever that few!!! People who are interested, will come. People who are not interested, means they are not!!!! No point pushing our way into the walls and through the crowds!!!
But how can we squeeze the attendance!!
and how about the middle part of the preparation to the event??
so many things to handle, got to try again and again... even though it is repetition!!
Repeated!! So How come still need to get approval for what!??? same means same ma..
sigh!!!

imagination!

i wish i can leave the company now.
pack up, walk away with freedom!!
I wish i can be out there earning my big bucks already, and i can proudly walk away throwing aside all the annoying people i have to see everyday, and draggy work i have to do and be chased after.
i looked at all my stuffs on my table, and was thinking how many days i need to bring them home, bit by bit. and the thought of it is very fun.
heeheehee!

i took home the products. i am thinking what should i say to start off my happy life project.
what can i offer? What is the objective? it's not slimming as what pple are thinking of and have reluctance about it. But the packaging has only that word -- SLIM !!! alamak!
People will not want to believe anything that the product owners think can lost weight!!
How am i goin to market it then!???
it's something you should take everyday to cleanse yourself, and because it is cleansing, it is natural slimming companion?? Can i say that???

缘分

缘分是谁也无法控制，要或不要的珍贵东西。
一旦错过了，即使多么努力，再也不可能挽的回。
即使再回头，一切都不如从前了。
最后，泪尽一切依就是空也的。
很痛很痛。

遗憾

So, what lies beneath us?
What is left between us?
Does it mean after i have done the job nicely to help you get on with your work, u shall continue to be cold and we are back to strangers?
也许你身边围绕着太多数不清的朋友了，而我算什么！没钱没名也就自然没分吧！
到今天为止，我还想不通，你所谓的后悔到底是指什么。。。因为我还是没有任何悔恨，所以仍然想不出，后悔的理由。但，心里却有些遗憾，感觉上，你好像误会了我对你的批评！当时我把你和他比较，记得你误会了我对你的敬爱还有高判和赞美。。。为什么却没有洗清这份误会呢...为何不再有机会。。。。

三十一岁的'经'典

帮助我的他人，给于如此奥妙的分享，是这一生无法忘掉的遗憾...
三十一岁生日将是这辈子最特别，最贵重，最难忘的经验...

生命何处寄
无语问苍天

良言一句三冬暖
恶语伤人六月寒
是非审之于己也
毁誉听之于人也

假作真时真亦假
话到喉头暗暗然
无为有时有还无
隐忍吞声嘤嘤然

千言万语不堪论
旧日今朝空回首
仰天长叹泪千行
沧海一笑泪无痕

情真意切、心非心
欢声笑语、明非明
怨声载道、事非事
旧时今朝、人非人

累了一切都尽也
尽了一切都空也
空了一切都静也
静了一切都泪也

书不尽言，言不尽意，
特别是感情事，更是笔墨言语所能表达，
唯有一切尽在不言中…

就这样，一切情感的升华随着时间停止而 宁...
从此，不再受到任何关心，回应，不再有任何关系...
难道非要如此残忍才能继续活下去吗？
朋友不如、回到原点，但，心情再也不如往日那么简单了...
这份阴影，该怎么放得下？

how do u like this

How do you like my latest product?

---namecard design

In the world of Chinese Medicine or chinese herbs, the road that chinese took to realise the power of these healing power. The knowledge that they gained and curing generations of humanity. The roots that they develop their ancestors, the depth of life's sufferings one generation after another... tells the story and the depth of one's own life and history or background. The challenges and struggles that life portrays, which allows humanity to develop, grow in their knowlege, wisdom and perspective, is all i want to say in this proposed namecard design.

inspiration for namcard design needed!!

i need inspiration for a new namecard design... for somebody who is ver important to me, somebody whom i do not want to disappoint, somebody whom i owe my gratitude to.... i need inspiration for his perfect eyes.... high hopes and tastes of perfection.... so hard lor!!! haiii.... sighs... so difficult leh...!!!

first exam experience

i had my first examination experience since after O levels.... in november this year.... in poly, i was in design course and thus there was no written examinations. So, for the first time, i had examinations NOT in school uniforms. I was feeling weird when i thought the day before the first paper, that what should i wear to the examination hall! Because i wonder if it was going to be air-conditioned, and wondered if i would be chased out if i go in bermudas and slip-ins hahahaa.... well, i din realise the times have changed. the authorities sure cannot help it where kids nowadays go to tertiary schools in hot shorts and slippers!!! ---i always wonder: AREN'T they COOOOLD!!!???? sigh....

i was so ready for my first paper - BUS101:Organisational Behaviour ---and i was so disappointed. because i could not finish all the questions. I already scribbled through and yet i did not manage to finish all the questions in time!! I could not get the answers out from my mind at the nervous and frightening exam moment!!! I needed to cool down. but there was no time to THINK!!!

So after the first experience, i know that i have NO TIME to think for the next two papers. no use studying so hard la.... because it all depends on how fast information come to my mind to scribble the answers through!!! .... Eventually, guess after the first ever exciting experience, i manage to finish my second paper on time -- and managed to even redo a question instead!! -- and the last paper on Quantitative Methods, management was not as difficult as OB, and the last paper was much better than first two.

Hopefully, i really wish i could pass all the papers ---- now no even need to think about flygin colours!!! :*( really hard!~!!! .... pass can already....
And i was glad, after the challenges and struggles i had for the Academic Writing assignment at the beginning about the submission, i managed to score 79 for my final assignment. I m really happy and proud of myself hahahah :P

I realised many things that we wish for or have high hopes on, it turns out to be the other way..... why!!??? i thought i will score the highest or do best in OB, instead i think i will be getting better results for the worst subject i m weakest in... QM!!!

Let's see....

哥哥永远在我心...

曾经是好同事，他好像哥哥疼我关心我。
我们是设计师...一起工作...
五年前因为得了癌症，回了马国，和家人孩子一起度过。
没想到已经过了那么久...上个星期四突然收到消息，他离开了...

他送我的二十一岁生日礼物，手链一直我都戴在身上365天没有离开过我。
没想到，今年我脱下了，收着而没有戴着了，他的病情恶化了...
结果离开了...

哥哥永远在我心...
你几时来看我？ :(