so near and yet so far...

For once i feel somebody so close to my heart, and want to befriend with, with lots of envy and respect for. For once i feel the same thing to only one person. And for such a long time fate has never brought us any closer. Was there a waiting all these while? Was there been a quiet wait? Is it worth the wait? Will i get to be her friend someday in the years to come? Finally i was able to express these thoughts to her last night. I feel a bit at ease. Even though destiny is what is going to be, i have no regrets. Like i said to her, it takes two hands to clap. It takes both hearts to last too! All i can feel is that she is somebody i want to be with, talk to, shopping mate, dining friend, chatter partner, family sharing.... but always so near to me and yet so far to get close to her heart :)

Perhaps one day down the years when i get myself there, almost there, to the same level as her, in terms of lifestyle, standard of living, spending power level, achievement level.... perhaps there is chance for us to tag together! But as i move forward, she is advancing too! Or... perhaps, i am forever only a shadow behind her :).....

Painful deepful thoughts

Somebody comes to me and gives me memories and then takes the train off and leaves, what is left behind are just memories and doubts. Thoughts that can never be answered. Regrets that can never be atoned. What to do if you have words to say? No need to say anymore. Swallow it into your stomach. Say it to your heart. Say sorry to your heart. Keep remembering what happened and was given to you. What the objective of the blessing was. What do you gain from it at the end? Do you go forward with it? Yes, for how long can you take it? For how long can you remember every single little thing that happened that you felt was the blessing you experienced in your life... Even though you may not be able to forget, but where do all the thankful words of gratitude and regrets go to.... Can he or she ever hear it again? What do you call this painful thought and deepfelt memories....

The Corporate Ladder Up...

The current me in the midst of climbing many mountains, overcoming hurdles of challenges, in the studies, work and family.

With memories not wanting to let go

With happiness to share

With challenges to conquer

With love to give

With compromise to seek

With understanding to each other

With dreams to fulfill....

苏有朋~擦肩而过

亲手摧毁生命中最珍贵的友情，人生从此有多少遗憾，生命中又有多少期盼...
当一切擦肩而过的时候，你又何尝握紧那双手，好好珍藏每一刻，留下动人的传说...

总是在转身以后,才发现梦已远走
熟悉依旧却隔着遥远的距离
追逐里萍水相逢随青春停停走走
你我的梦随着人潮擦肩而过

天亮的时候,我的心还在梦游
未曾结束昨夜深情的回眸
我终于明白,其实你我都想拥有
在青春路上相互回眸的那一刻

爱情擦肩而过的时候,也曾想要珍惜那悸动
只是握不住彼此不同方向的手
你我擦肩而过的时候,也曾留下动人的传说
是否还能够为我等待为你停留

need a break ~ a brain wash in exact

i wish i can go for a long break. i wish my brain can be washed.... i wish to wash off my pain inside.... sometimes i wish i m not an emotional human. Why can't i be just a metal heart with no feelings? then i will not need to suffer so much pain and aches again and again.

Emo humans are so contradicting. Want to erase certain parts of your memory, but on the other hand can't bear to let it go. Just don wan to let it go. why!? Or is it just me myself!?? Why why why... There is always a home for me i know. No matter where we go, the best place is always your home, your love ones, who are always there for you, and belong to you. These should make one be contented in life....

busy friday to my birthday.... what a 31!!

looking at my long shopping list for tomorrow at Giant. It's a weekly marketing. This time it's for whole week's cooking. Parents are going on 2 weeks holiday. Thus i will be housewife babysitter for 2 weeks. Not able to work then. Maybe hard via remote too...

Considering it's my day soon, and i reconsider what i m going through at this moment now. Dear came back with a runny nose... on a promising friday evening. Sneezing away, covering himself with a mask, stucking his noseholes with crush of tissue papers..... what more can i ask for!! I got to resend some working files for the UM-NUS Golf Souvenir Scrapbook..... while the server is getting slower and slower on this peak friday evening when many are going online....

I got to settle the icecream cake from the big gigantic cake box occupying too much of my little fridge space.... thus spent sometime removing it from the plate and scrapping them into another container that can fit into the freezer. At the same time, keep sending uploading my big big files for the other designer to work on my files....

While all hands are busy, my heart is thinking wild about my birthday present from my colleagues today - a DKNY watch!!! Gorgeous!! but got to resize it at the watch shop first. So this's 2nd after i received a icecream birthday cake last night. I know that dear is trying his best to spend time with me on monday by taking his time off to be with me. Although there is nothing interesting about the programme (as it's not fixed at all) but i m glad enough he can be with me.... i mean, what more can i ask for from a workaholic devoted staff like HIM!!! LOLs... at least, i can get to hold his hands when i walk down the streets on monday.... to anywhere i don mind!! at least i feel loved hehehe....

I guess, with Kdenn's singing birthday song for me, enjoying my icecream cake, hugging me and tell me he is good boy, and gorgeous present from colleagues' efforts, i should be contented enough. But why must i be on the other way blessed with more housework??? becos dear falls sick, i have to now sleep with 2 kids alone, and run the housework by myself.... and be kindest enough to let dear sleep early...... let his nose rest......

I guess i m also lucky and fortunate enough. I found another person protecting me from behind. At this age of 31, how can i be so attractive still!??? i was amazed and shocked by the words he could say to me. Admiring me as a great woman of wisdom. That's how he portrayed his feelings and impression of me. For this time, i was affected. i m really affected.

I guess i am somehow not alone this lifetime. No matter how sad and how down i may go, from now on, i know, there are a few of them, always standing by me. They give me hope, strength, courage and love. I guess my life shall be truly valued, with studies coming up, more work achievements and projects to impress, more jobs to come to me for my freelance, and showering more love to friends and family.... a tie and connection which is so strong that will never break. That's how i feel now... i love it. i like it. i m contented with it. satisfaction is it.

Grand number is 31

i received a surprise birthday present from a special friend tonight. I went downstairs and collect it, and to my surprise it was a icecream cake from Swensons. Wasn't this my last 2 year's birthday wish? I had something similar from Uncle Eric, but in real scooped ice-cream form in a plate, the photo used as my main headbar on my blog here... The cake came and fill up 75% of my freezer liao :S probably, it's time to upgrade to a bigger refrigerator huh!!!??? ....

When Kdenn saw my birthday cake, he was overjoyed. He sang a birthday song for mummy, asked to blow my candles and said to mummy, "我是你的乖孩子！" .... i was amazed and stunned!! for the first time....... hahhahahaha

Although i do not really fancy strawberry flavour, but i m pleased to have my birthday wish answered.... :) yummy.... thank u Uncle William ;)

Male Chauvinist or Not??

i wonder: Will you want a male chauvinist for a husband?? or not?? I think sometimes man can be a little chauvinist, and that actually makes our life as a housewife, feel better u know?
If your male chauvinist husband does not comment much or bother much about how you do your housework, don't you think you will have more freedom and more control over what you want to do at home and set your standards rather than having someone to bossing around his standards meet?? I rather have somebody who will treat me better in other ways, like giving me massage, or giving small surprises to make me happy, a hug before work, a tap on my shoulder when i needed encouragement, or sms me with words that will make me smile.... and not telling me off to throw whatever that's on the table at home, arranging things on my table when i need to see them for a few days, or mop the living room floor with the mop used for mopping the bathroom (*faints) ... or keep digging new rags to wet-clean the fan, table, shelves, aircon, cupboards etc.... (*faints!!!) don't they know many furnitures will get spoilt easier with their wet wet cloths??? Can't they save on the absorbing tissue cleaning wipes by re-using them often???? Can't they clean the windows more gently? Can't they just stop all these nonsense and jus sit down and don touch these la!!!! The shorten the lifespan of the parquet flooring with their wet mops, they moisten the tables and cupboards and shelves with their wet cloths... they create more unhappiness and conflicts with their wives when they start making a fuss over the belongings laid on the table for packing.... why can't they just .... THINK how they can make their wives feel more appreciated, rather than messing things up even farther!???

haiiiii
sighzzzzzz.........

i wish my husband can just help to look after the children, and not bother by how we woman do our housework, or WHEN we do the housework!!! ... and instead, volunteer to massage me after whole day of cooking and housework.... send me a delivery lunch when i almost have nothing to eat in the office.... pop me a text sms wishing me great day at work.... i wish he sees my blog and understand what i m thinking about... haiiii....

a hiding member

i joined jjfc naturally after helping Carol to redesign their jjfc website....

somehow because of his clothes, i naturally created this colour theme.... which sort of blend with my blog header ISN"T IT!!!?? :P :P :P not on purpose ok.... but yeah, i love orange!!....

i feel honoured to be a hiding member hahahaha... doing such tasks, and not able to participate in almost all activities due to family committment, where i will try to in future, and playing his songs on piano, listening to his songs and appreciating his works and understand him better as a person (through carol's sharing).... so much so, i feel more like a hiding devoted member.....

Stress or Guess??

Was wondering whether i m really stressed out lately.... or just my guess of colon problems..... i saw some info about colon cancer and started imagining things, thinking that i may have initial stage experience.....

I told my chinese doctor and he immediately urged me to buy some remedy. i did as he instructed. but still cramping... and wind..... and water..... haiiii...... it's been 2 days..... is it the food i eat?? or is it i just have been thinking too much lately.....

have taken up a freelance job which occupied my late night hours for the past week.
But i have also been doing night reading at night too, also the same timings!
In addition, i guess this year is just a very emotional year for me.
I have many things in my mind.... many feelings in fact. many deep feelings for many pple i encounter this year. Old friends, colleagues, .... memories keep coming back, kept thinking about lots of things. Lots of feelings i should say. Lots of love emotions i should also say. Why am i like that!? Why can't i be more cold towards human relationships? Why can't i stop feeling so sentimentally???