my first serious oil painting

i have been enjoying my oil painting module at NAFA under UniSIM since this semester. It has been 6 lessons. despite my busy and tight schedule with the family, i have been able to enjoy those 3 hours every saturday. i feeel relaxing and destress each time i start to paint. definitely not stressful as while we all are doing assignments.... great! i hope i have opportunity and time to paint another serious piece again!!

A New Beginning

This is the 4th day of my new job.  Today is emotional.  I remember i was feeling excited about starting my new job soon ... and that was since early last week. I was afraid of the new challenges that i was going to face. I had many flashing thoughts throughout the day, all the time. I was curious what are the expectations of my new boss. I was curious how i would perform in the new scope, with the new environment, new colleagues and new cubicle.

Finally all started. I am starting to settle down at my new cubicle. I began to think that the boss is not as demanding of me as i expected. I start to feel lost. I think he do not really need me to do so much extreme for him. I think he wants to remain independent. I think i should ask him too much questions. I guess he will prefer me to do my work rather than serving him like those professors that we face in the academic industry.

I felt bad today because i think i frightened him last night with my emotional feedbacks on my problems that i am facing. I think he is not used to being offered with things that are too personal... i think he got a shock and somehow i feel the door was shit at me now. i dare not talk to him today. i m living in the shadows of yesterday. why why why. i think i start to feel his culture of working and style of working in here.  The ladies here are not how we share things and stories about us over at the university. i start to feel lonely again.

I will learn to be independent. This is only a workplace. What am i expecting besides my regular salary to survive!??
I remember last night he mentioned to me that this is but a job and we need to make a living so that we get a life! so after we get the money, after work hours is the time we create our lives (life) !!
That does strike me yeah...
i guess from this incident, i will not prob too much about being friends with him anymore.
the line seems clear now. seems like i will have nothing much to bother me at least for.... several months until i am being briefed for more expectations.
but apart from these cautious actions, i will show that i am happy always, to be with him, with this new place and will strive to show my best....

hopefully i can hear from her this week.... and i can start taking action on monday.... 30 April shall be the day..... finally after 6 years.
Hopefully my decision will be right.

january thoughts

my dearest uncle asked me whether i have been updating my blog.
and so here i m. each time i look at this posting page, i don't know where to start.
where shall my feelings start pouring.
what i have lost, what i have missed, is all but nothing left.
and yet i can't seem to let go. year after year, each time we met, mixed feelings are back....
cold and warm, laughing but stern, we become like the closest strangers. what is real and what is fake. what is his real truth....?

近来，我们聊着心情，有笑有泪。千言万语，很多次都不知该从何说起。
下了笔又发不出去，最后，有些事情还是别题的好...时间慢慢流过，感情久了都会淡。

始终都相信，只要两人心还在，感情永远都在。但遗憾的是一旦没有心在一起了，就连友情都留不住。这时，还惦记着的那些曾经所说过的话、分享过的一切，到底剩下什么呢？ 难道他已经忘了，侧底的忘了吗？那么，到底剩下的是什么地位什么价值呢？
再问下去也是空，那，为何却放不下呢？...问世间情为何物，只叫人生死难眠....

　　停在这里不敢走下去

　　让悲伤无法上演

　　下一页你亲手写上的离别

　　由不得我拒绝

　　这条路我们走得太匆忙

　　拥抱着并不真实的欲望

　　来不及等不及回头欣赏

　　木兰香遮不住伤

　　不再看天上太阳透过云彩的光

　　不再找约定了的天堂

　　不再叹你说过的人间世事无常

　　借不到的三寸日光