tough year

when can i ask for something that i want, something that i like, when i feel i like to?
Must i live in tight pockets everyday for ever?
Why can't i even save my own money when i thought i deserve it?
Why can't i say "no" in order to save my own earnings?
Do i deserve the turn-off when i say "no"?
Haven't i been a good enough wife to deserve protecting that little bit of savings for the next raining day?

i feel so sad.... cos i thought i have given every thing i could, and i am not appreciated just because i did not want to share my extra little savings... for a not-very-important bill which even if i give up my little savings, it doesn't help much!

How could i have deserve these!!!

...despite of whatever that is happening to the worsen global warming, or anything under the sun, at home and or myself, i want to list my resolutions to make a difference in 2010 here:-

1. to read at least 1 book a month that widens my language and knowledge and philosophy and expand my perspective in life
2. to see life in a wider perspective, forgive and understand pple around me and the environment so as to be a person/lady with greatness, compassion and uniqueness.
3. to be ready for further studies, overcome struggles of time management for family, work and study, through chanting and buddha wisdom.
4. to save more $$, alot alot, and spend only wisely for the better of future when Kdenn goes to primary school - which i may have to go jobless.

Fighting with "Obstacles & Devils" (Sansho Shima)

Obstacles and Devils (Sansho Shima)
The three obstacles and four devils is a literal translation of the Japanese term sansho shima. This is a traditional classification of the types of difficulties and obstacles we encounter when we practise Buddhism. Obstacles usually refers to external problems we may meet, whereas devils refers to our own innermost negative tendencies, or the workings of life's innate deluded nature.

Obstacles are anything that obstructs our practice of faith, whereas devils are self-destructive and destroy the quality of life itself.

Once we start practising we soon realize that constant effort is necessary to maintain a consistent practice; the same is true of attaining the supreme life-condition of Buddhahood. Even the difficulty of believing we can manifest this condition, or that everyone has it, can in itself be an obstacle. In 'Letter to Misawa', Nichiren Daishonin writes, "Even if you should manage to overcome the first six (of the three obstacles and four devils), if you are defeated by the seventh, you will not be able to become a Buddha".(MW-V3 p.252, WND p.894)

It is important, therefore, to recognize sansho shima and overcome it. The support of people who are more experienced in practicing Buddhism is often very helpful in enabling us to identify and overcome this negativity, as President Ikeda points out:
The human mind wavers and changes from moment to moment. Over time, one experiences confusion even regarding things that one has previously decided on. This is an unchanging aspect of life. For precisely this reason, guidance and encouragement in the correct practice of faith are very important.
(Buddhism in Action, Vol.6, p.8)

Nichiren Daishonin wrote: "Where it not for these (obstacles), there would be no way of knowing that this is the true teaching" (MW-V1, p.145, WND p.501).It is precisely because the Mystic Law is a great positive force that the negativity inherent within us and our environment resists our attempts to strengthen it through our practice. If chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo had no power to change karma or draw out our Buddha nature, no one would experience any difficulty in practising it!

It is at a crucial time that obstacles or devils are most likely to appear. That is why the Daishonin emphasizes that we should neither fear them nor give in to them.

In the second of his letters to the Ikegami brothers, 'The Three Obstacles and Four Devils', he says:
There is definitely something extraordinary in the ebb and flow of the tide, the rising and setting of the moon, and the way in which summer, autumn, winter and spring give way to each other. Something uncommon also occurs when an ordinary person attains Buddhahood. At such times, the three obstacles and four devils will invariably appear, and the wise will rejoice while the foolish will retreat. (MW-V2 p.288, WND p.637)
The important thing is to realize that when difficulties appear, they present an opportunity to make renewed efforts in our practice so that we are able to grow further and show proof of the power of Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. Obstacles and devils are a natural function of our practice and we should not be afraid of them - as our practice and faith deepens, we come to recognize the form our own particular demons take, tailor-made for each of us, so that we can continue to challenge ourselves in our quest to become really great human beings.

The three obstacles are:
1. Earthly desires (bonno-sho), or obstacles arising from the three poisons of greed, anger and stupidity.
2. Karma (go-sho), or obstacles due to karma created by committing any of the five cardinal sins or ten evil acts (this category is also interpreted as opposition from one's partner or children).
3. Retribution (ho-sho), or obstacles due to painful retribution for actions in the three evil paths (Hell, Hunger and Animality). This category also indicates obstacles caused by one's sovereign, parents or other persons who carry some sort of secular authority.

The four devils are the hindrance of:
1. The five components (on-ma), that is, those hindrances caused by one's physical and mental functions.
2. Earthly desires (bonno-ma), or illusions arising from the three poisons.
3. Death (shima), because the fear and suffering that death entails, whether our own or someone else's can shake our faith and obstruct our practice of Buddhism, especially if death seems untimely.
4. The Devil of the Sixth Heaven (tenji-ma). This is regarded as the most serious hindrance; in Indian cosmology this king of devils represents the fundamental darkness inherent in life itself. This can assume any number of forms to obstruct believers and is often said to take the form of persecution by those in power. It is the most powerful of all the negative forces, and takes the form most likely to trouble us or cause us to suffer from doubt or illusion.

Jogging Breathing Story...

It has been 2 weeks since i haven't been jogging.... due to non-stop sickness one after another, coughed for so long. Finally after recovery, i pushed myself once again on monday morning. I planned to go farther this time as i have more time because i was on leave tat day. I woke up at 5.40am and started out at about 10mins right after washup... i looked out of the window and was surprised by the sight of the thick dew or smoky thing i don know wht it's called ... it was so thick I thought it was haze. At one thought I was afraid I will be breathing the smoky haze instead of a fresh morning healthy dew... But i decided to JUST go for it!


I guess that wasn't the unhealthy hazse afterall because there were many others on the road jogging too. As usual, i went rounds at the Punggol Close - the plain lands facing my flats. I tried hard to go round and round... had to push myself always to go one more round, another round, again and again. SOon after 5 rounds, i finally gave up. I continued to jog down Punggol Field, reaching the TPE, and cross over to Sengkang. Continue to go straight and find my way to sengkang east way. Din get lost anyway, continue to jog, some ups and downs, but still managed to continue without stopping... all the way to Upper serangoon road, i turn left to go back to where i stay. But i was almost giving up already lor.... true enough, as i came to the TPE flyover before i reach Punggol East, i stopped jogging. My arms were sore and numbed.... first time.... i took out my phone and look at my walkmate... it was merely 6.5km.... sians again lor.... why always run so far and it's still only so short distance i went hahahaa..... and up at the bridge i look down at the busy TPE, it was almost an hour since i started jogging. The sun was almost up and the dew was still thick. i took a panoramic picture for us to see... and here it was.... - far right is where i stay (Sundial).... so small hahahaa... but from where i was standing, it was only less than 500m to home lor...

Standing on top of the bridge here, breathing was great! As i jog towards the bridge, the super peaceful ears earlier on was slowly covered with noise from the highway TPE down there.... Cars and buses started getting their day by and zoom past. It was first time i realise wht expressways smells like! I guess because it was still early, tires of all vehicles just started and guess what? I smell hot burning tires!... the burning of hot wheels of vehicles that zoom past me!... and i believe most of the burning smell must have came from the highway down there since the traffic beside me up here is still clear.


So that was how feeling was like jogging early in the morning, from quiet to noisy, from dark to sun rise, from clear air to smoky burnt smell. But when can i every finish my 10km to be ready for the 10km marathon?? How do i dare to try the 42km in a year or 2? No idea at all whether i can or cannot make it! hahaha

Another scenario i saw as i was jogging past a residential area in Sengkang was i saw a maid washing car when the sky was still dark... prob 6.30am... i vividly remembered it was a grey MPV she was washing. Well, washing car can be said one of common tasks for maids in singapore nowadays, ya i know... but what surprised me was when i tried to take a longer look, there was a woman sitting in the car!obviously that was the owner, she had thick curly short hair and quite "muscular" in size. She was pin-pointing to the maid, most likely instructing her what she should do and how she should be cleaning the car, then she waved at the maid to close the door for her and most likely she is inside blowing aircon to herself lor! GOODNESS!! It's such a mean thing to see early in the morning. Probably she is new and is learning from the owner, but if i m the owner, definitely i will not be as bad and mean as to be sitting inside blowing aircon at me and shaking legs lor... and if i m the maid, i would be deep-hating the owner sitting inside blowing aircon watching over wht i m doing lor!!! Although there are so many possibilities to why she should be sitting inside the car, but i don feel good personally tt she should be inside the car while the maid was working hard for her! Sometimes, i wonder is it the life of a maid is really damn tough till they got to withstand such mean bosses and be made use of in this manner, OR is it just their retribution and should be treated this way?? And as i wonder, i relaly think if i have a maid, i will most likely be bullied by the maid, get tricked by her or let her run over my head without realising it, because i m not the type who dare to ill-treat them this way OR willing to be fierce to them lor... so...? no maids for me better la... cannot make it hahaha...

What's my life about?

My life is about saving up to upgrade handphone, looking at better phone models to suit my interest and lifestyle; driving effectively and looking ahead at what my desired sports car would be and working hard to own it one day in the future; playing music from my ears to the piano, can't live without music and singing... exploring from ears to my piano as a hobby and challenge; creating things that people around me will smile when they receive it, including drawing, pressies, design or arts and planning surprises; boosting morale of people i treasure and care about by encouraging them with my perspective of life; make people laugh with my contagious laughter and making them shine and happy; and be unique in my personality and shine among others.....

My life is also about seeing the world in my holiday list, and aiming to achieve it one day in the future also.... backpacking... bring my dear to places that he will say "wow" and feel being loved by me, give him the luxury moment of life in our holiday future....

About the kids would be to provide them with maximum ability i can give, so that they see life in the right perspective and be independent and unique when they grow up.

Dreaming of My Dream...

Have been dreaming of my dream car lately... i wish to own this soon... if not in 5yrs time, at least 10yrs time yeah... i remember there was this book which says "Law of attraction" so i learned to keep thinking of my objective(s) like "this", hoping that it will come true. When you keep thinking about it, the law of attraction will bring ur life towards it. Thus i've been thinking about it for quite some time... since i read that book!!... After knowing that the road tax and insurance is within the acceptable range, i thought about it EVEN MORE.

To me, it's feminine, handsome, mysterious, bold, it just shows my strong personality hahahaa... i guess i m very obsessed with it now, i kept imagining driving in it to work and with friends and family.

Yes, it's quite tight in the interiors, but i believe sports car are jus like that - it fits u in the seat nicely, not much freedom of space for safety and comfort... i just like that lor.... and must be manual gear... as i love to play with gears while driving, and it feels more like driving when i control it manually... i jus miss driving manual gears... haiii...

Another dream car which i din think i might have or own, is Lexus RX300/350...

It is such a luxury, i thought... high view, super luxurious, comfort, classy, and spacious for myself and my family. But to think of the cost is really impossible lor... so think think oni la... see see only la... definitely not within 10yrs unless i strike lottery! hahaha... becos the maintenance cost is scary! and i do not want to pay for high road taxes and insurances, so not for purchase now haha... only for envy hahaha! But for a family car, i would choose this! and for a dream, practical and personalised car, i want my Mazda RX8!!! heeheehee can't imagine if i receive this one day as a present...

She is getting on my nerves!

cannot stand some people who behaves so rudely and putting on airs.
Often feels that she never think before throwing words out of her mouth.
At the beginning, she gives an impression of a hardworking woman. As time goes by, true colours reveal. She serves people only whom she requires to work for. That was soon an obvious act where more and more outsiders can see and feel, except for those whom she fed full and well to. She would serve them perfectly like king and queens, at any extend you can think of. Working overtime with them and pretending to be busy with "don-know-what", cooking lunches full meals for them personally, serving breakfast with coffee and tea personally, serving snacks if she sees them hungry and busy, driving them out for lunches - and i mean ONLY them, practically almost hooking tightly to their schedule until we can't date any of them out so easily as before, accomplishing whatever tasks (big and small) that was allocated to her. In return, to them, she is such a caring person, sincere and hardworking. What a DAMN! How could they be so blind!
Oh please! When i was the one liasing with her, she wouldn't give me a damn! she tell me to take action myself, she would not give advice, she would show me impatient attitude. And to the rest of us, there is no tea or coffee, or mineral water, no FREE lunches and drive rides, not to say asking enquiries and feedbacks.
She would often question people's actions and things done, such a busybody - we thought. If asked to do shitty tasks, she would often throwing her arrow to her "equal"-level colleague, commenting that SHE IS VERY FREE!!! Come on!, how could she be that MEAN!?
I really really wonder: How could she have simply succeeded!! Those whom she fed well, were totally respecting her like none of these ever happened! OMG! And the rest of us who gets stepped by her, let her be, act ignorance, and tolerating her rude attitude, and allowing her wrong accusitions!!
I guess at this is the next person in my hatred list, shooting up to the top immediately since last week!
To me, i will not respect those who does not bother to respect any others.
This is damn shit woman whom i wish she is exposed!!!

Hair renewal season

this's my little eliza... our smiley little one... loves fun and be carried!

...all because of her... i have to cut my hair off... hair dropping seriously fast... i was shocked. i was afraid and not prepared. i just can't take it. Doctor advised me to keep it short for now... so no choice... went for a good haircut at Supercuts--sengkang compasspoint. Quite ok, service quite good and quite like the hairstylist. Will most likely be there again for my next haircut. Didn't like my hair short at first... and got it messy and ugly ( i think it is!) and just couldn't get it right... until i finally found my hairstyle right... (bottom) and now hope i learn to love my new hairstyle... n waiting patiently for my hair to "wake up"!!!

hate inconsiderate smokers....25th June '09

i hate to smell smoke or somebody's cigarette from don know where early in the morning, when i wake up to breathe the extreme fresh air in punggol... u know over the night the air is so clean, cool, and refreshed... and after a deep sleep, u wake up in the morning, looking out of the windows, and u see no much cars and almost not a single soul on the streets, u see the fog (or i don know what's it is called) accumulated by the cold clean air outside... and u feel so fresh the air is, and u can imagine how fresh the oxygen is.... and suddenly when u want to take another deep breath, somebody passes by downstairs with his cigarette and the smoke just flew past (F%^&!!!!) so angry u know? and my house wil be filled with his second-hand smoke!! that is ridiculous!!... why can't people just enjoy the first clean air in the morning instead of lighting a cigarette and damage the clean air? .... really really.... poor earth, poor globe... got to withstand such factors which are actually avoidable!!!...
Previously when we were still staying at mum's place, people smoke from upstairs or downstairs (i not sure) and it's already the 15th floor... u thought the air is clean? it is supposed to be lor.... but got destroyed by such uncivilised humans who don care about the living or rather dying earth.... the clean nice air around the top floors!!!..... and now we shift to a low floor what happens?? people from the ground floors... walk past with their cigarettes and we always suffer when the smoke goes up up up... and into our house.....!!!! i hate smokers who do that!!!

i have friends who smoke, but i appreciate them smoking at a place , not walking around.... and they clear their cigarettes before walking away from the spot. i hate it when people walk along the streets with the cigarettes lighting.... and not considering people around behind front and back CAN smell the smokessss which is every spreading, thickly, smelly, awfully, irritating!!!

it spoils my refreshed morning mood....

A dream of a friend...

I dreamt that i have a very good friend, as good as buddies, just like Clarissa and me. I guess i had always wished her to be my good friend, and probably that's why i had this dream. She is somebody i always look up to and respect most, in the office. In my heart, i've this feeling that i wanted to be her good friend, everytime i see her. But i guess i m nothing worth in her eyes. Don't know... i just felt that way. And i always feel disappointed because i think fate has its play. And probably that's why, i think she is the only person whom i fail to make friends with, and not to even think of being closer friend to her. I think in her eyes, i m nothing because i am not rich, nor am i as educated as she expects her friends to be (i tihnk so la). I liked her ever since we first met because she is kind, unique, friendly, cheerful, hyper.... like me hahahhaa... i always think i can get along well with her. But... just no chance... even after a year or two already...

I dreamt that she accompanied me to decide which dress to wear while we were rushing to a friend's wedding dinner. She brought me to the hairdresser, claiming that i should do something to my hair before the event. She have comments on the dresses i chose, as usual self as her in real life :). It's not something that i mind, but it's only her side of comments to let me know only.

I am very happy in this dream because she is my good friend... so nice to be with her.... even in real life.... but the only diffference is that in my dream, i m somebody in her life, but in real, i don't think i am anything.... i guess in real life, i will have to wait for a long queue before i get to be her friend in her busy schedule. Iguess she is too busy to make good friends... thou i think she sure has a few good friends... but i m sad because it's not me :(

I wish i can have a chance to make friends with her leh... haiii..... so sad everytime i see her.... seeing nothing in me....:( worthless.... first time i ever thought i m so worthless in somebody i treasure....

Perfect 30

I guess i m glad and contented i had a wonderful happy 30th birthday. It was a sunday and everything was not planned. Firstly, i had happy wishes from friends via online and facebook. you know, it is always touching when people remember to wish you on your birthdays, and i m that kind who treasures every sincere word...

Next, i had a lovely favourite birthday present from my fellow colleagues faraway from home... Capitaland Shopping Vouchers!!! Cool!!! I always wish i can buy EVERYTHING i want with those vouchers hahahhaah!!... i remembered last year i used it to get myself a pair of working shoes from Hush Puppies at IMM.... How about this time? Seriously, i am still carefully making my choices kekeke... haven come to a final decision yet, until i get the chance to step into the shopping mall hahaha!!! Should i get my finishing makeup foundation? or a superb handbag that i can wow about ? (but what is most superb brand in the Capitaland Mall!?) or a pair of working shoes as my precious black working shoes is worning out soon... ? so? a bag, makeup or shoes?? haiii.... still got time hahaha...

Then, on the day itself, we thought we are not going to leave the house. So i prepared to cook porridge for both meals to feed them (hubby and son). Who knows, my hubby brought up to ask me whether i want to go Tampines 1 (the new shopping mall)!! Actually, i am the kind if he is happy, i will be happier. But since he wants to go out, i will follow. Such a perfect day, we push Eliza in a stroller and Kdenn in my hands... there we went... As usual, nothing much captures my attention or urge to buy.... until my hubby wanted to look at his working shirts and we were at G2000.... Therefore, i decided to pick my working clothes there... and i had a piece of skirt and jacket cum top from there.... as my present from him! It's lovely as he can see what i want to buy, and get to comment . and i m the kind who loves hearing his comments before i buy something for myself :) yeah mann!! i m indecisive huh!?? or such a gal gal so dependent on him right!!? heeheehee... yes i shall admit! i am a loser to LOVE (LOLz) if you know me.....

Thereafter, we had a great lunch at Fish&Co. as we happened to pass by at Tampines Mall... din know there is this outlet at this corner at basement!!!... poor location thou... but great! we had a fish meal happily for the first time ;) family of 4!!! Thank you Eliza for staying asleep while we needed to eat up the foods!!!

Actually before that, we had a meal also together on Mothers' Day at Parkway Ajisen!! To me it was also memorable, glad and lovely because Kdenn was good boy, ate his food no need to feed much, liked his bento, agreed to almost all our requests and comments .... everything was right means good.... because it means smooth, successful, no arguments, no anger bla bla bla.... yeah!

Guess i had a great month this year!!! I love the memories of turning 30 too!! Although it was also as great last year, remembering my friends and colleagues who had dinner with me at Ichiban-boshi Esplanade :) I am glad i have several great touching memories this 2 years...

I wish i can be as happy in the following years for many many years... and by the way, thank you everyone who made my life beautiful... a simple wish can make me happy !!! serious!! true!!!

Me and my son

Finally i get a photo decent photo with Kdenn... yes, rare chance to take a picture together lor.... always dressed uglily and not nice to show hahaha... coming to 30 years old, how can i look like? Time to look closer or NOT to look closer... kekeke... what do i see if i look too close?? ... scary! i start to be afraid of getting old!! To me, after 30 is zoom to the "old" ... gosh!!... though i stay happy, but i can't avoid the fact that my face and body will aged gradually and obviously from now... !!! ARGH!!..... but i like this photo v much..... thanks Carol for the help to take perfectly. (Pamela's church wedding on 9th May 2009 in conjunction with Mothers Day)

April Kiss

03. 추억이 오는 날 sonya(四月之吻).wma -

Just completed watching another Korean Drama that touched my heart again... yeah... as usual, the same sad sad type... April Kiss... and wish to share the soundtrack as above... wonder if korean script writers live in the world of cinderalla haha... always the same kind... childhood love, forever waiting, car accident, misunderstandings, cancer, breakups and heartpains .... keke

where is my patience...

it's 5.30am when i wake up. Wash myself up after feeding eliza and putting her back to sleep. Sometimes dear feeds her while i get up to do other things. I quickly think fo breakfast, settle it and start my day. Facing nobody but eliza, start my week off. next feeding is usually about 8am. 9am bathtime for her. After bath, she makes noise, wants to be carried, OR thirsty... quench her thirst, burp her and near to next feeding time. ends feeding about half hour with burping done. She falls asleep. Who knows after i put her down, she wakes up! Starts crying and wants to be carried. That's about 10-10.30am.... carry her till 11+, i still have no time to wash her clothes and prepare my lunch! ...almost 12 and she demands another feeding!! Ends again another half to one hour with burping, she falls asleep. Try to put her down again, she cries again!!!! Pat her to sleep, try hard again and again, bearing her cries, pushing her to be independent to sleep sleep sleep!!!... but again, failed. Another half hour gone. Time to drink some water!! Finish drinking water and burping, hope she finally falls asleep!! I need a bath, have lunch, cook lunch, do allocated housework of the day, wash my hair and hair-dry, sometimes need to check email.... but please!!! so many things to do!! she is still crying there!!!... waiting to be carried AGAIN!!!.... finally have lunch, do something, ends at about 2pm+... thought i can catch a short nap!!! but NO! she demands the next feeding already!!... come'on!.... same thing repeats. finish feeding and burping about half to one hour, trying to put her back to sleep, sometimes need pacifier, enduring another 15mins to half hour, almost 4 already.... so now.... she sleeps and what? i end up doing chores and almost 5+, she is crying again.... time to give her a bath and continue crying until i give her next feeding at almost 6pm.... hoooph!!! sometimes she continues to sleep, sometimes no.... it's finally evening, sky turning dark... dear is back home.... time for a deep breath!
I just can't take it anymore! why is she crying and crying and can't be just QUIET!!! keep quiet!!! arghhH!!!!!.... once i put her down only she makes noise!!! unbearable!!!
I keep asking myself: Where has my patience gone to? I thought i may have given it to Kdenn and hubby for the past years ba.... is it? Is it limited? Why can't i be gentle to our little girl this time?....
i need patience....
i need more patience....
i need to stop crying, and stop eliza from crying also!!!
what a.... tough holiday!!

reflections...29 April 2009

Baby Eliza is two and half months old now... i m ending my maternity leave at the end of May. one more month to go. We had appeal for dear's mother's long term visit pass and it was unsuccessful. We had to make a decision fast. Is my mother going to quit from work? OR... we appeal and appeal and again and again until approved??

Dear is very upset about the unsuccessful application. He felt angry and lost. His wish for his mother to be here to look after our baby is gone. Our plan failed.

At the beginning, before i gave birth, i was already at the mood of "decided" and "ok". i finally convinced myself to accept the fact and broadened my mind to welcome his mother to stay with us, to look after our baby Eliza. I did not think much about the long term pass appication. It was such simple me that i did not think that she needed something like that. And so i din give much thought to the visit pass.

Now that i heard difficult applications around us, years and years of appeal going on and on for other people out there. I was thinking, please, who are we, why should our application be approved. We can be considered "well-to-do" as the previous one officer mentioned to us that we could jolly well get a maid since the pass is not approved. We can't say no becos is too subjective. We din want not becos we cannot afford, becos we din like it! Wat can this reason be acceptable isn't it? So, please, i wanted to tell dear to face the fact. My mother's going to take the task, quit her job and be our baby Eliza's babysitter!

Suddenly, all's changed. We got everything changed because his mother was coming to stay with us. We got our lives adjusted to accomodate her presence. Even financially, i thought i was going "shiok"!! cos i don need to pay for anything for a babysitter! hahah.... well.... but suddenly, all these changed overnight. After we got our second letter of unsuccessful application, i quickly made a decision. I guess it's time my mum quit her job. It sounds to my hubby that i am instead more happier than his mum coming on receiving such a letter. It sounds like i hope she can't make it here. Well... but i wonder does he know that this plan B instead result me having to fork out even so much more savings for mum and dad? Initial's more savings has become a big hole in my pocket every month from now.

I know i can't sound very happy and glad, cos that will definitely let him think i wished for! I wish this final plan is final. I guess i can now rest my worries for baby Eliza is with MY mother, in my mum's expert hands. Although there are further adjustments to our lives and lifestyle again, but i guess after a year from now or less, hopefully we can gradually get back to our not-so-kanjiong lifestyle again, meaning the rushing on and off from work, facing cranky baby and the visits and checks to clinics and vaccinations, picking up solids.... all the different phase of the growth of Eliza that will be coming our way, again, like what we've been through before... for kdenn....

Now that i have to give my most to my parents, i guess i will have more stories to tell, less time for shopping, no affordability to shop anyway, less thought for wishes and pressies, less urge for shopping and dining, will only think of working hard, harder, chant more for a better work environment, improving work scope, enjoy my work, live the busy life of busy mummy!! Hope i can be proud and happy mum, have memories to look back after several years from now... by then i shall gradually pick up my pamper and luxury again :)

one more month

one more month before i start work...
one more month before my maternity leave ends...
one more month before i enter 30!!!!
Gosh.... Kim is 30 years old.... eeeeeeeeeee!!!
like very old leh....!!!
Well... my heart stays in 25 forever hahaha!!

What do i expect after i turn 30?
After i had finally enshrined my own gohonzon, i feel a strong sense of satisfaction, protection and urge to strive further, in my faith and daily life. I guess after i m 30, it's time i really get down to think farther, plan further and save more. Yes, save more for a better tomorrow and of course, not forgetting to pamper myself every season once a while!

Guess it's really time i do up my hair, start growing them back, i want my length back!!! and... get a good eyecheck and have a pair of new specs made soon!!
Probably i should wait to have a good meal with my dear again, and let's see... what should i ask for for my birthday present this time neh??? *-)... hmmmm....

shopping list check

Have gotten the OSIM U-PURE quite nice hehehe... cost $155... wonder if there's discount sometime later....? ... then i go... "erh..."!
Have also managed to get a comfortable simple swivel chair from ikea... for $98, quite a reasonable price for simple comfort at home... synthetic leather though.. but surprisingly, not hot when i sit for long, it is still comfortable for a reasonable time :)
Also, finally padlocked our home with a practically safe lock hehe... got the DURO one from DIY shop, which i had been eyeing on it all these months since we gotten our keys to this home. Just that, we din manage to measure the allowance properly... and also.... of course pricing lor hehehe... ok la... hubby finally said yes to this lock and we finally can ease our worries for a safer security at home now. :)
i guess now i m left with the entertainment part which is still consider a "want", so still can be kept pending till we can afford....and also the shelving for the storeroom... haiiii... look into the storeroom and i always ask.... WHEN???

yet another wish(es)

Again, i have not achieved everything on the list (previous shopping list), i have now even more things coming on my mind.. STILL pending... as usual.... will take me forever to achieve... haiii... need to

CUT MY HAIR (cannot find the pic i wan to show neh!!) but don know which hairstyle i should do. Perhaps the news reporter recent hairstyles are latest and hip something like what Channel 8 newsreporter has "Dong Shu Hua" hairstyle i quite like leh! JUst nice, around my length, the way her hair was trimmed is just what i can do at the salon! hahah.... but i guess i need to look up and print out to show the hairdresser... but hor... WHICH hairdresser to go to har?? i don like to go Jean Yip they slaughter u to the max! scary! ban!... ok probably i will go and try the one at Hougang Mall or the one that my previous colleague Adeline recommended (her perfect hairdresser)!! ... at Ang Mo Kio... not bad la... ok la.. hehehe user GPS to find the location and drive there lor hahaha...

and MAKE NEW GLASSES as i can't really see clearly already. Use old frames but change lens? thought of it, but the package i saw is so more worth to change the whole thing, than to keep the old frame and save jus about $50 or so... coz i go to the "Frames & Lens" shop at Tiong Bahru Plaza, beside the Veeko boutique, they are friendly and reasonable price ($198 for a frame and transition lens) i just love it,.. already made 2 times with them before and i still have positive comments about them. :)

and i guess as for the water purifier, i found this new product of OSIM the OSIM uPure... seems good... instead of the previous product...

Shopping List

Got several things to get for the house, hopefully before my maternity leave ends... here's some significantly important ones which i can remember now... in the order of importance:-

• OSIM water purifier for the kitchen as requested by my MIL and hubby
  but i prefer to get the Alkaline Water Ionizer which is more effective, if we look at the reason why we getting a water filter! isn't it? but i still don know where i can buy this.... anyone??
  
  


• Shelving for the storeroom so i can keep my things organized



• A swivel chair at home so i can sit comfortably, don hurt my back, and enjoy working on my home-work. ;)




• Entertainment: BMB Speakers and bring over my amplifier to setup for a karaoke-ready environment
  

Super satisfied....

Thank you darling, finally i have my beloved gadget to spend time with heeheehee... and to make me busy with everyday! Hahaha... darling din like the PDA and i had the fortune to own it YESH! keke... not bad leh! and my brother helped me to buy this labtop at a super good deal at the IT show in early March 2009... now i can keep in touch with my colleagues and friends while i am away from mum's house and at my own home, during maternity leave...

This is my new labtop ;) nice glossy black design...so far so good ;)

My new mobile phone... Samsung OMNIA (pda) and finally i get rid of my P1i liao... though i liked it v much andhas been very suitable for me...

The Cushion Just Din Burst - 37th Week

It's my 37th week, my last 2 days at work. Did alot of walking, so many pains, walking up the mountainous roads on campus, still, Eliza has not burst to birth! haha... Thought i should have a last shot before i go flat again hahaha... din realise i looked like i had a cushion under my tshirt! Does it look round enough to be convinced it's a girl!???

Final Trimester. Awaiting Arrival of Eliza.

36 Weeks. Eliza's head went UP again after the scan was done at last checkup. Cesarean is planned. 18 February 2009 will be the day.

Looking ahead. Thoughts came to my mind. It will be a great change after next week. Another member joins the family to make up perfect 4. Is kdenn going to accept Eliza as sibling dearest sister of his? Is he loosing his proud king majesty's moments and properties? Is he loosing love from his dearest parents? Will mummy lost him further as time goes by? Suddenly i felt how dear he is to me, i cannot afford to lost the track with him. I want him to be everything, have everything and learn and develop in the best that life should be. He is the smartest in my eyes, the one with wisdom and will in everything, the most sensible senses i ever can imagine. Even though he may be slow in certain developments, but he is unique in many areas i can see. I know i need to give more time to nourish another baby for the time being, but i cannot afford to let loose kdenn's growth too. I know it's gonna be double hard double struggle after next week. I need to build up my health again. So that i do not loose track to both children of mine. Counting the blessings, i have a supporting husband, though i need to remind him of the senses in life and bring his life condition UP UP UP at most times of life. Now i am going to have Eliza and Kdenn to build up and develop them to unique individuals of the future. I know that i have to sacrifice for time and efforts so that i can see the fruits of labour in 10 years time, 20 years and more.

I must strive on, so that i can enjoy the fruits 20years from now, which i will be 50 by then. Thoughts will be with darling then. Enjoying the fruits in 20yrs time with darling, seeing Kdenn and Eliza grow up to blend with the society to build their own future and life. They must be independent by then, create their own future, fight for their own dreams, achieve their own fruits and i shall not be bothered much by them, and continue my path of life. That will be it.

For now, back to time, chant chant chant! Eliza to come healthily, beautifully and perfect for mummy and daddy!

32 weeks.

Had constipation. Could not open bowels for a week. Went to the clinic. Had a pump to open bowels.... successfully. Surprisingly, was admitted because of too much contractions. To me, the baby was merely kicking, rolling vigorously, din know it was part of contractions. Doctor gave two jabs to strengthen the baby's lungs, incase there is labour pain for delivery. Admitted for 2 days. Found out i had urinary infection too! Given capsules to reduce the contractions. Given lactus to open bowels smoothly. Test my urine 3 times!! gosh... Keep generating the chart displaying bb's heartbeat and contractions. So fast her heartbeat: over 180 whenever she's rolling or moving. So many contractions. BUT but but... no pain. no labour pain. No bleeding. fortunately.
Now back home discharged. Got to rest rest rest. 4 weeks more before anything like delivery can happen. Have to keep low. Continue medications. Got to finish up getting ready all the essentials. And then be ready for arrival of Eliza Chen Ying Ern, anytime!!!
Cheers!