byebye to good old days

i remember my first days here working, saw my big cubicle, so contented, so happy, sooo.... shiok. coz i never had such a nice cubicle to hide in hahaha, and never thought i will ever come to such an environment to work haha... yes, with 2 monitors joined to a super wide screen, so can have two windows to work on at the same time. Nice Altec Lansing speakers for me to play my favourite "must-haves": MUSIC and more music, songs, soundtracks, techno (when convenient), and a phone to oneself. this is what we all get in this office. you mouth should go wider "wow" if i tell you this is only a MA cubicle (that's me). If you are manager, you get a bigger one lor! How good life this may be right? yeah... and...it's been two and half years, working in this cubicle, so many happiness, unhappiness, sadness, emotions, joy and laughter. When Kdenn comes, he will sit on MY chair and pretend to be sooooo interested in working on the computer! and i've collected so many of kdenn's photographs over the 2 years, and u can't imagine how packed the walls of this cub is, also with my favourite movie pages extracts, and so many figurines and well, gifts, toys etc...

it's gonna end, yeah... the days are ending... the office is moving, our department is moving into the new building, said to be bigger, BUT, it's bigger in area, NOT bigger in cubicle la.... no such bigger space for all my toys and figurines, posters and photographs as all are low 1.2m cub walls ONLY, supposedly, from the floor plan, i will have no more privacy and comfort like such, no more highly-walled cubicles like now, thus no more luxury/cosy like now. will be facing a networking area with sofas, so what can i be looking forward to!? noise? crowd, people walking around here and there around my cubicle which is facing the walkway? Objectively, you can see the disability to concentrate at design work(s), thinking processes during serious required working hours, obviously no quiet thinking space. But but but... if i have to think positively, it's an open space with lots of open ideas and lots of sharing of happiness (or unhappiness), no secrets, no hiding, no escaping from work... GOSH! cannot eat snake at all!... cannot MIA hahaha...
so... no matter what, we ARE moving! so? just look ahead, and accept what it's goin to happen...

i've decided...

i saw how a father leaves his girl aside. i saw how the father protects his son beside him. i just seen through. i was too slow, correct. So slow, always choose to believe i m his unique daughter. When i asked for something, he chose to keep quiet and or delay. When i finally took action, he asked why. i spoke. and i threw it right on his face. He was just....biased.
i've decided... darling and i has always been working hard for the family. We gave our best respect and regards to him. i gave him money every month, like other children did. When he thinks i made a mistake, he chased for reason and explanation. But when he realised it was his son who did it, he silent. full-stop. i get everything, but he gets nothing.
darling ever said. father doesn't like us doing washing at home. we are using too much from him. i did not get him... but.... now i can feel it.
Nobody knows.... it's not that i did not want to follow darling's will, to move. we r still paying debts. our house is not well equipped enough to allow us to move in. no washing machine. no fridge. no mattress. only managed to make up the living room. and we ended up in debts. we have to clear bit by bit before we can fill up the rest of the necessaries. therefore, we had to stay on.
i did not want to move, also because, over here, i m already overwhelmed with lots of housework, washing kdenn's clothes, packing and many packing everyday, so many things to look after, gosh, i cannot imagine how hard my life would be if i have to live alone, without mum's help to look after kdenn when i m busy with work. OR when i m tired or super exhausted. i give mum most of my savings, and last bit to dad, hoping they appreciate my love for them. i did not expect dad to be still sticking to his super traditional brains!
we intend to move. since we are expecting another kdenn's sibling to come soon, we intended to move. no choice. we have to buck up. even though we have to add more debts, i try hard to earn more from freelance, hoping i can cover everything we need to. hoping to get kdenn a bed to sleep in, and another one at least for both of us. other things come later. of course we need to count in our fridge and washing machine, which is really essential now. i remember i still owe mum some money too.... i was sad. dad asked me whether i have return. why. why do i have to face such a brother. he do not need to give his parents money, and he earns so much more than me. he is also not married. i have so many expenses to carry, but i have to give them, out of my heart. i have nothing left. why is he enjoying instead! i despised him. therefore, we decided to leave. do not want to see his face, do not want to see him good-for-nothing!
if only...
if only we have the money to get the essentials we need, and we can move right away!
if only we can have money to clear our debts, and give mum the money i owed her, and we can move right away!
if only i can have more money for kdenn to have more protection and better life...
money forever not enough....sometimes i wish someone would provide for me, just like he needs to, and can save me from all these troubles and unhappinesses.....
so sad...
month after month, debts never end. i never shop. i never spend unnecessarily. i m saving like MAD! but still, i m not being appreciated.

From the Time i Wake Up....

From the time i wake up.... till i close my eyes....
since last saturday....
bad morning sickness.... in fact, it's also afternoon, and evening sickness!!
Why they call it morning sickness when it can last you the whole day???
it's really from the moment i wake up, i feel like vomitting... all the way.... till night... when i get home.... it's always no appetite... don know what to eat, nothing much interests me... just try to eat something.... but no urge to eat healthily... bad bad bad... this is bad! i got to start my strict diet which i should!! I m loosing all my activeness, no life! Now and then, everyone hears me complaining tired, exhausted, and lazy to walk around!
This is me now... the lazy nausea kimz!
I think it's a girl!... though i hope, but i m fine with both anyway :)
and it's bloated all the time!... like 4 months... why why why!?? ....twins?? *ops!!!
Anyway, i m thankful for this precious gift!!... must take care!!
---7 weeks---

cravings...

Still about cravings ahahaha! today, i thought about KFC for lunch... the crispy spicy skin and the hot tender meat inside... gosh! can't resist the temptation!! Must have it for dinner!! My latest cravings how come only meat and meat and more meat!!! Yesterday there was durian craving, though i did not manage to eat it... and then had duck drumstick rice for lunch (again)... and today i had Subway burger for lunch, but still thinking hard about my KFC... yes, i think i will have it for dinner!!

I missed my menses, and it was 4th July and i start to count the days, waiting for more days for my menses to be confirmed "not coming". And, it was the sunday 6th, night , that i decided to take the pregnancy test. Jumped to joy, it's a "+"!!!
It's just my little 6weeks old, according to the Dr's calculation at my first consultation yesterday... really hope i will protect my little foetus smoothly this time.... healthily.... sayang...
That's all for now!!

Craving for meat

Had been craving for different kinds of meat lately, i wonder why.... i know i've always love roast duck, but never thought of rewarding myself with that! Few weekends ago i went to the market early one saturday morning and decided to get some roast duck for lunch, and there i started it off! The next weekend i started thinking about it again, and i got it for dinner again!! It was like craving, crazily for roast duck hahhaa... i like the feel of the roasted meat dipped in the sweet and saltish gravy, especially when i reheat it with my own recipe gravy and spread onto the meat on the plate. Delicious! Although sometimes it is tired after chewing so much meat, but it was definitely a "luxury" cum "celebration" hahaha!!!

Then came the Mutton soup craving... kept thinking of the tender mutton in the thick mutton soup!! WOW!! super delicious! This morning i had Mutton soup on my mind again, and so i planned it for lunch!! Successfully my colleagues also were going to the Prata Shop near Kent Ridge Interchange, and so i got the craving achieved!! LOL

Good gracious! Now i kind of getting interested and wondering hard: What is in the Mutton Soup recipe!!!??? IS IT healthy?? or is it just lots of MSG!!?? :S:S:S

And for dinner tonight, i couldn't help looking at the duck drumstick when i tried to pass by a roast meat stall in toa payoh... and even on the way home after i alighted at the bus-stop! BUT eventually, i did not buy, and just walked home for the usual dinner rice packet, to share with kdenn. Then i told my hubby i m dying for duck drumstick (AGAIN) he was like... got mixed up! he thought i was talking about my usual BBQ chicken wing! gosh! he din read my msg properly lor.... so .... anyway, i wan to put this down becos i was touched, after he came home with the duck drumstick, he went out again to seek for me!!... just to satisfy my craving!! PLS! What's into me ah!! aarrrhh!!!..... but then hor.... after he came back 45 mins later, he REALLY got the drumstick i was dying for!! WAAA... muacks dear!!! So the best hor!! hahahhaa.... LOL!!

Now, i m super satisfied with the duck drumstick in my tummy hahahhahahhaa.... and left one more drumstick for tomorrow's lunch duck porridge!!! SHIOK!!!