A dream of a friend...

I dreamt that i have a very good friend, as good as buddies, just like Clarissa and me. I guess i had always wished her to be my good friend, and probably that's why i had this dream. She is somebody i always look up to and respect most, in the office. In my heart, i've this feeling that i wanted to be her good friend, everytime i see her. But i guess i m nothing worth in her eyes. Don't know... i just felt that way. And i always feel disappointed because i think fate has its play. And probably that's why, i think she is the only person whom i fail to make friends with, and not to even think of being closer friend to her. I think in her eyes, i m nothing because i am not rich, nor am i as educated as she expects her friends to be (i tihnk so la). I liked her ever since we first met because she is kind, unique, friendly, cheerful, hyper.... like me hahahhaa... i always think i can get along well with her. But... just no chance... even after a year or two already...

I dreamt that she accompanied me to decide which dress to wear while we were rushing to a friend's wedding dinner. She brought me to the hairdresser, claiming that i should do something to my hair before the event. She have comments on the dresses i chose, as usual self as her in real life :). It's not something that i mind, but it's only her side of comments to let me know only.

I am very happy in this dream because she is my good friend... so nice to be with her.... even in real life.... but the only diffference is that in my dream, i m somebody in her life, but in real, i don't think i am anything.... i guess in real life, i will have to wait for a long queue before i get to be her friend in her busy schedule. Iguess she is too busy to make good friends... thou i think she sure has a few good friends... but i m sad because it's not me :(

I wish i can have a chance to make friends with her leh... haiii..... so sad everytime i see her.... seeing nothing in me....:( worthless.... first time i ever thought i m so worthless in somebody i treasure....

Perfect 30

I guess i m glad and contented i had a wonderful happy 30th birthday. It was a sunday and everything was not planned. Firstly, i had happy wishes from friends via online and facebook. you know, it is always touching when people remember to wish you on your birthdays, and i m that kind who treasures every sincere word...

Next, i had a lovely favourite birthday present from my fellow colleagues faraway from home... Capitaland Shopping Vouchers!!! Cool!!! I always wish i can buy EVERYTHING i want with those vouchers hahahhaah!!... i remembered last year i used it to get myself a pair of working shoes from Hush Puppies at IMM.... How about this time? Seriously, i am still carefully making my choices kekeke... haven come to a final decision yet, until i get the chance to step into the shopping mall hahaha!!! Should i get my finishing makeup foundation? or a superb handbag that i can wow about ? (but what is most superb brand in the Capitaland Mall!?) or a pair of working shoes as my precious black working shoes is worning out soon... ? so? a bag, makeup or shoes?? haiii.... still got time hahaha...

Then, on the day itself, we thought we are not going to leave the house. So i prepared to cook porridge for both meals to feed them (hubby and son). Who knows, my hubby brought up to ask me whether i want to go Tampines 1 (the new shopping mall)!! Actually, i am the kind if he is happy, i will be happier. But since he wants to go out, i will follow. Such a perfect day, we push Eliza in a stroller and Kdenn in my hands... there we went... As usual, nothing much captures my attention or urge to buy.... until my hubby wanted to look at his working shirts and we were at G2000.... Therefore, i decided to pick my working clothes there... and i had a piece of skirt and jacket cum top from there.... as my present from him! It's lovely as he can see what i want to buy, and get to comment . and i m the kind who loves hearing his comments before i buy something for myself :) yeah mann!! i m indecisive huh!?? or such a gal gal so dependent on him right!!? heeheehee... yes i shall admit! i am a loser to LOVE (LOLz) if you know me.....

Thereafter, we had a great lunch at Fish&Co. as we happened to pass by at Tampines Mall... din know there is this outlet at this corner at basement!!!... poor location thou... but great! we had a fish meal happily for the first time ;) family of 4!!! Thank you Eliza for staying asleep while we needed to eat up the foods!!!

Actually before that, we had a meal also together on Mothers' Day at Parkway Ajisen!! To me it was also memorable, glad and lovely because Kdenn was good boy, ate his food no need to feed much, liked his bento, agreed to almost all our requests and comments .... everything was right means good.... because it means smooth, successful, no arguments, no anger bla bla bla.... yeah!

Guess i had a great month this year!!! I love the memories of turning 30 too!! Although it was also as great last year, remembering my friends and colleagues who had dinner with me at Ichiban-boshi Esplanade :) I am glad i have several great touching memories this 2 years...

I wish i can be as happy in the following years for many many years... and by the way, thank you everyone who made my life beautiful... a simple wish can make me happy !!! serious!! true!!!

Me and my son

Finally i get a photo decent photo with Kdenn... yes, rare chance to take a picture together lor.... always dressed uglily and not nice to show hahaha... coming to 30 years old, how can i look like? Time to look closer or NOT to look closer... kekeke... what do i see if i look too close?? ... scary! i start to be afraid of getting old!! To me, after 30 is zoom to the "old" ... gosh!!... though i stay happy, but i can't avoid the fact that my face and body will aged gradually and obviously from now... !!! ARGH!!..... but i like this photo v much..... thanks Carol for the help to take perfectly. (Pamela's church wedding on 9th May 2009 in conjunction with Mothers Day)

April Kiss

03. 추억이 오는 날 sonya(四月之吻).wma -

Just completed watching another Korean Drama that touched my heart again... yeah... as usual, the same sad sad type... April Kiss... and wish to share the soundtrack as above... wonder if korean script writers live in the world of cinderalla haha... always the same kind... childhood love, forever waiting, car accident, misunderstandings, cancer, breakups and heartpains .... keke

where is my patience...

it's 5.30am when i wake up. Wash myself up after feeding eliza and putting her back to sleep. Sometimes dear feeds her while i get up to do other things. I quickly think fo breakfast, settle it and start my day. Facing nobody but eliza, start my week off. next feeding is usually about 8am. 9am bathtime for her. After bath, she makes noise, wants to be carried, OR thirsty... quench her thirst, burp her and near to next feeding time. ends feeding about half hour with burping done. She falls asleep. Who knows after i put her down, she wakes up! Starts crying and wants to be carried. That's about 10-10.30am.... carry her till 11+, i still have no time to wash her clothes and prepare my lunch! ...almost 12 and she demands another feeding!! Ends again another half to one hour with burping, she falls asleep. Try to put her down again, she cries again!!!! Pat her to sleep, try hard again and again, bearing her cries, pushing her to be independent to sleep sleep sleep!!!... but again, failed. Another half hour gone. Time to drink some water!! Finish drinking water and burping, hope she finally falls asleep!! I need a bath, have lunch, cook lunch, do allocated housework of the day, wash my hair and hair-dry, sometimes need to check email.... but please!!! so many things to do!! she is still crying there!!!... waiting to be carried AGAIN!!!.... finally have lunch, do something, ends at about 2pm+... thought i can catch a short nap!!! but NO! she demands the next feeding already!!... come'on!.... same thing repeats. finish feeding and burping about half to one hour, trying to put her back to sleep, sometimes need pacifier, enduring another 15mins to half hour, almost 4 already.... so now.... she sleeps and what? i end up doing chores and almost 5+, she is crying again.... time to give her a bath and continue crying until i give her next feeding at almost 6pm.... hoooph!!! sometimes she continues to sleep, sometimes no.... it's finally evening, sky turning dark... dear is back home.... time for a deep breath!
I just can't take it anymore! why is she crying and crying and can't be just QUIET!!! keep quiet!!! arghhH!!!!!.... once i put her down only she makes noise!!! unbearable!!!
I keep asking myself: Where has my patience gone to? I thought i may have given it to Kdenn and hubby for the past years ba.... is it? Is it limited? Why can't i be gentle to our little girl this time?....
i need patience....
i need more patience....
i need to stop crying, and stop eliza from crying also!!!
what a.... tough holiday!!