...In Memory of Uncle Bernard

It's been 13 days since Uncle Bernard left us. He passed away peacefully in hospital on 7 December. I got the message from dad while we were busy at Punggol. It was a sooner or later thing. I got the feeling... and was waiting for it to happen. Suddenly i felt a stone dropped to the bottom of my heart. As i saw the message on my phone, i kept thinking about his face. In fact, i kept thinking about his smiles when we met, the way he talk to us, the jargons he will use, the happiness he owns, and the honour he lives with...

I remember the first time we met, he invited all of us, all the uncles and aunties, a first family reunion, to his club's karaoke room. That's the first time i saw dad's real siblings, all the similar features on their faces, and fantasized at how dad resembles him!! He heard my singing, though i couldn't remember much what we chat about, but definitely it was a great gathering for the family.

The second time we met, he invited dad and mum, my brother and my family, to the japanese restaurant (at his club again) at Jurong Country Club. I came to know he plays golf really intensively, actively, daily, happily, gosh.... nothing but golf!! As if no need to work! hahaha... And that was when we could have a closer chat together, her daughter Aileen was there too... my cousin... the sweet smiling chubby fair face i can always remember...

And surpisingly, the last time i met him was at my wedding dinner, at the chinese restaurant, took some photos together... and thereafter, we did not have chance to meet each other already... When was my wedding?? 29th January 2005, that was like... 3 years ago?? yeah...

Then as a was working in NUS, my previous manager brought us to the club for lunch a couple of times, and his gf happen to know Uncle Bernard as well... and we could not catch him at the two times when we were there. He was busy at the Golf Course... well and i remembered he mentioned he will want to see me again at another scheduled lunch at the club!!.... and that will never happen again... anymore....

This year he suddenly found out that he had cancer in his pancreas, and not realising it until it was at third stage... thus it was not curable... after careful thoughts, he went to Guangzhou for therapy there and got it cured. But that did not end his suffering. After he came back and went for followup checkup at the hospital, he realised his liver was infected this time... guess it was due to the treatment, it affected the liver instead. Once again, his spirits went down below earth again. I can imagine he must have lost hope totally, and break into tears and hate life forever... but yet i could feel he must have also thought so much that he accepted it and quietly... with no choice. He was told he had 3 months left. This time my tummy was getting bigger...

Due to his health, i could not find convenience to see him alot like Uncle Eric and dad and mum. I could only stay at home and hear from them. But when i heard from Uncle Eric one day that he was in deep pain and brought to hospital, i felt i want to see him again. Fortunately darling and I were able to make it to see him and had a short chat with him. I can never forget how much weight he lost, and how skinny he became, from that muscular, tanned golfer. That was the last time i saw him... alive.... in bed...

The next time i visited him was at the wake, the day before the funeral. Again, because of my tummy, i could not attend the funeral... but i wish he knows that my heart is with him...
I agree with Uncle Freddy (dad's younger brother) that we were all glad that his suffering moments were short... and i strongly believe he must have felt disappointed with life as he was still at his peak of golf, peak of life, peak of retirement?? or peak of everything.... rich, good life... gosh... and suddenly all these have to come to a stop...

And cousin Aileen must have been suffering alot too, she lost so much weight, became model-liked skinny now... and i m impressed by dad's family as all of them were courageously accepting these facts....

It is now all memory... i do not want to forget his face. I wonder if he can see me as i can't see him... though we were not too close, but i could feel the family bond with him, which i did not think it ended so fast....

it was really unpredictable...