where is my patience...

it's 5.30am when i wake up. Wash myself up after feeding eliza and putting her back to sleep. Sometimes dear feeds her while i get up to do other things. I quickly think fo breakfast, settle it and start my day. Facing nobody but eliza, start my week off. next feeding is usually about 8am. 9am bathtime for her. After bath, she makes noise, wants to be carried, OR thirsty... quench her thirst, burp her and near to next feeding time. ends feeding about half hour with burping done. She falls asleep. Who knows after i put her down, she wakes up! Starts crying and wants to be carried. That's about 10-10.30am.... carry her till 11+, i still have no time to wash her clothes and prepare my lunch! ...almost 12 and she demands another feeding!! Ends again another half to one hour with burping, she falls asleep. Try to put her down again, she cries again!!!! Pat her to sleep, try hard again and again, bearing her cries, pushing her to be independent to sleep sleep sleep!!!... but again, failed. Another half hour gone. Time to drink some water!! Finish drinking water and burping, hope she finally falls asleep!! I need a bath, have lunch, cook lunch, do allocated housework of the day, wash my hair and hair-dry, sometimes need to check email.... but please!!! so many things to do!! she is still crying there!!!... waiting to be carried AGAIN!!!.... finally have lunch, do something, ends at about 2pm+... thought i can catch a short nap!!! but NO! she demands the next feeding already!!... come'on!.... same thing repeats. finish feeding and burping about half to one hour, trying to put her back to sleep, sometimes need pacifier, enduring another 15mins to half hour, almost 4 already.... so now.... she sleeps and what? i end up doing chores and almost 5+, she is crying again.... time to give her a bath and continue crying until i give her next feeding at almost 6pm.... hoooph!!! sometimes she continues to sleep, sometimes no.... it's finally evening, sky turning dark... dear is back home.... time for a deep breath!
I just can't take it anymore! why is she crying and crying and can't be just QUIET!!! keep quiet!!! arghhH!!!!!.... once i put her down only she makes noise!!! unbearable!!!
I keep asking myself: Where has my patience gone to? I thought i may have given it to Kdenn and hubby for the past years ba.... is it? Is it limited? Why can't i be gentle to our little girl this time?....
i need patience....
i need more patience....
i need to stop crying, and stop eliza from crying also!!!
what a.... tough holiday!!